A few days ago a 15 second video showed up online. It showed a young girl who appeared to be twelve or thirteen years old. She’s standing in a room looking at the phone camera. She appears to be afraid. The camera then shows the floor where there is a pile of long black hair. A taunting male voice says, “The consequences of getting messed up? Man, you lost all that beautiful hair. Was it worth it?” The girl stares at her hair on the floor. She very quietly says, “No.” “How many times did I warn you?” She almost inaudibly says, “Twice.” He then says, “Okay.” as if he has proved a point. The video ends.
Yesterday this same young girl got out of the passenger seat of her grandmother’s car on the South 48th Street overpass. She climbed over the railing and jumped, landing on a car. She’s since been transported to Harborview Medical Center where her condition is unknown. There are those who believe that public shaming is an acceptable form of parenting. As this incident clearly shows, it’s not. It’s a form of abuse and it has consequences. The victim in this incident is a minor and I have no intention of mentioning her or her family’s name. I’m also not going to share any more than the screenshot of the video as there’s really no reason anyone needs to see her face. I don’t have much interest in increasing the public shaming her father has already given her. I’m writing this article because all too often, suicides and suicide attempts are ignored. The News Tribune had one small article about it. The local TV sites have almost nothing.
We pretend suicide attempts don’t happen. Or we pretend that no outside factors contributed to a person’s choice to try to end their life. We need to stop that. We need to pay attention. We need to stop acting like there’s nothing we can do. Public shaming is a form of abuse. There are those who will say that it teaches a lesson. So does punching someone in the face. That doesn’t make it okay to do to your children. My thoughts are with this young girl. I hope that she gets the help she needs. I also hope her father gets the help he so clearly needs and that her family can heal from these traumatic events brought on by public shaming. Please do your best to remain civil in the comments section. I moderate all comments and will delete comments I feel are insulting, inflammatory, or otherwise non-conducive to civil dialog. I think we do need to talk about this and I think it’s important that we do so without attacking people.
If you or anyone you know needs to talk to someone about suicide, you can contact the national suicide hotline for free 24 hours a day at 1-800-273-8255.
Update 05/31/15: I have heard from multiple sources that the young woman passed away at Harborview Medical Center this evening. My thoughts are with the family and friends of this young girl. I am sorry for your loss.
Update 06/02/15: After over 250 comments and another hundred or so that I deleted because were offensive or inflammatory, I’ve chosen to close the comments section after requests from multiple family members of the victims.
Update 06/06/15: This story that started as a little two paragraph article in the News Tribune is now being reported by Daily Kos, Jezebel, the New York Daily News and many others. This is thanks in no small part to the vocal readers here. Thank you for not letting this story go away. There has also been some new information worth sharing.
Tacoma Public School has issued a statement regarding rumors that the victim was not allowed to run for student office. They said that while it’s true she was unable to run for student office because her parents did not sign a permission slip, rumors that there was a public announcement that she couldn’t run are untrue. The statement also said that the principal was aware of the public shaming video and had contacted Child Protective Services when he learned of it.
According to Tacoma Police spokesperson Loretta Cool while the video was taken by the father, he was not the one to upload it online. It was leaked by a ‘third party’. The video was allegedly for her to keep to remind her of what she’d done as “part of the discipline process. So she would remember and not do it again.” according to Cool.
Update 06/09/15: My coverage of this story has come under scrutiny. Here’s my response. https://tacomastories.com/2015/06/09/special-comment-regarding-my-recent-coverage-of-a-local-girls-suicide/
Looks like someone shaking their head and the hair flipping around. Did some extensive research on this on line. Found nothing about it other than your web blog. The link to the small article does not give much. If something like that had happened, it would have made the news. Hummm…..interesting.
The image is her hair on the floor after it had been chopped off in the video. Go to the 48th Street overpass you’ll see banners, balloon, and cards wishing her well. I chose specifically not to mention the victim’s name or show her photo out of respect for the family. Not only did this happen, but this kind of thing happens all the time when parents make bad choices on how to discipline their child.
The news generally doesn’t cover suicides.
Thank you for sharing this. I had a strong physical response in my gut as I read the conversation between the father and the girl. Truly this was a shaming, and abuse, and this is not OK. Parents, watch your words. You have so much power because your children love you and need to know that you love them unconditionally. Consequences must be reasonable to the crime and not end in diminishment of the child. When we diminish them or make them feel less we steal a little bit of their spirit. Do this enough times and there isn’t enough left for them to want to continue to try. Some give up. Then they leave.
It happened in Tacoma Washington the girl went to giadrone middle school (might be spelled wrong)
She went to Giaudrone Middle school. She either walks home or skipped the bus and went to the 48th st bridge. Then she climbed the railing and jumped. (I would add her name but i respect how the person who wrote this decided not to)
I want to school with her
It did happen. I passed over the 48th street overpass right after she jumped… And there is a memorial there at this very moment
It did happen the young girl was my nieces friend. For you to even think someone would make that story up is messed up. There is even a memorial where it happened. You are not ok.
I always verify the story and they do make them up. It’s horrible! Why someone would make up stories is beyond me.
Anna, find a hobby
If you’re implying you think this is a made up story, it is not. I live on 48th street, right down the road where the girl had jumped. It is a very real story. But because it doesn’t involve police shooting “unarmed” people, no one gives a shit.
to Anna you must not be from Tacoma it is every where here
My daughter’s went to school with this young lady and I had the privilege to watch her grow before I left the elementary school I worked at that both of my children attended with her.It is as he stated in this article. All videos, pictures and social networks of hers have been removed from the internet, therefore you will not find ANYTHING on it. Yet, it did happen and so what if it didn’t make the news. Not everything does and it happened so fast that the only thing there was to do was to get her to the hospital. People like you that assume certain things, need to really think before you type or speak. We went to her vigil and there was so many people that cared about her and loved her there and now we don’t have her here all because of what sent her over the edge. There are speculations about why she did what she did. Regardless, this is a life lost that could have been saved. This is something her family has to live with.
Very well said. I didn’t know her however my family lost a loved one to suicide so I do know their pain and that it is hard to handle. Her family and friends will always be in my thoughts and prayers.
I knew her a little, she was a very beautiful young lady, she didn’t realize how much she meant to everyone, it kills me to even see her balloons/cards/poster’s. I hope that makes a point, suicide is never the right move weather you are going through tough times or not, it is just sad, my dad and I saw her in the helicopter. Pointless to commit suicide #gonebutnotforgotten
This young lady was a friend of my 2 sons and yes this is a tragedy I pray for her family
The girl was friends with a coworkers daughter. I know for a fact this happened.
I saw her laying on the freeway seconds after she jumped…the memorial is set up on the 48th st bridge in Tacoma. It happened. The story is true. I could find next to nothing on it..maybe because she is a minor? Idk…but I needed to find out more about her as I have been in grief over her and what I saw.
The news generally doesn’t report about suicides.
Jan, I saw her jump. I am a high school teacher in the area, and I am also experiencing incredible grief over this. She so easily could have been one of my students. I have never seen anything so horrible in my life.
heart, what a tragic thing to be part of, just by being there.
Several years ago, I drove past the scene after someone had just jumped from Capitol Boulevard Bridge in Olympia. I felt like I needed to know everything about this man, who he was, to try and understand his decision, to make sense of things, to mourn for him. To this day I still think about it every time I drive beneath that bridge. Here is a beautiful tribute video someone made for this girl. It is heartbreaking, but perhaps you will also find it cathartic. https://youtu.be/OxPtSiavCk0
Hi Kelly and Jan. I am still in shock and grief for what happen. I was driving in the left lane and saw her in the air, from that moment all went in slow motion for me, stop as fast I as could. When I got out of my car people was already taking care of her. What a sad and tragic event.
Kelly I am with you I have never had to experience anything so tragic and horrible.
I am sending love to her family and friends.
Well it did happen and its sad.
Wow lady!!! Just wow!!!
Who is sayin this made up needs to keep their mouth shut and do some research. It was all over the news Friday afternoon. A child is dead and ur arguing about whether its true or not.
Do some research get ur facts and have a little compassion.
No. It DID happen. I had the link on my timeline and then it was mysteriously erased. People in Tacoma are talking about it and her everywhere. But the msm is silent. Kids who went to her school said they tried to tell adults that she said she was going to jump. But nobody listened. They said she was crying a few weeks ago because her father threatened to put her up for adoption. So, her decision to end her life probably came from feeling like she had no other choice. Since she was going through a lot. The video was probably taken down by her father, since it was put up by him. But hundreds, if not thousands of people have already seen it. Just because the NEWS is silent, doesn’t mean this tragedy didn’t happen.
So much for the blog writer deleting inflammatory comments. Because everyone is piling on this woman just because she doubted the sincerity of the story due to lack of information.
Come on now, where’s YOUR compassion?
Hypocrisy, know thy name. Questioning what you read is the only path to the real truth.
I live right down the street! It did happen and it did make the news.
This girls story has yet to make the news.. another girl in the same city took her life a month ago as well.. this is becoming outrageous. We live down the street & my kids go to school with her.. this did happen..
One of the school teachers is a family friend she reports the girl being bullied after returning to school that had part to do with her jumping
I can see how you think that it would be a covered story in the news but unfortunately it really did happen and it is a very sad situation. It is all too common and it rarely makes any news headlines. Suicide is real and it happens all the time and never gets the dialog necessary to educate people of the signs and the seriousness of the threat from one to take their own life. I hope people talk about it, and this young life taken too soon, can spark the conversation needef to prevent another person from finding a permanent solution to a temperary problem. It is so IMPORTANT to TAKE THREATS OF SUSCUIDE SERIOUSLY!
I saw it happen on I-5 the road blocks, fire trucks, cops, ambulances, the 5 cars of people that saw her plunge, them crying. My heart sank to them. Sorry your curiosity hasn’t been fulfilled.
It did make the news go to q13 on facebook.
Umm… just so you know, I went to school with this girl. The friday before her death, I hugged her and we said “I love you” to each other and said we would see each other on monday. I received a phone call on what would later prove to be the worst day of my life. She had died at Mary Bridge Hospital after jumping off the 48th street bridge that travels over Interstate 5. She was one of the best friends I have ever had. Just check the huge memorial on the bridge if you don’t believe me. See for yourself.
I am so sorry for your loss, Trav. My heart and prayers are with you and all her loved ones.
It actually did happen my friend was driving by I5 when it happened. Saw the girl and medics. Pluse there is a memorial at the girs school. They took the video down out of respect for the grieving family I presume.
I was driving right when she jump, I saw her in the air then falling on top of the car that was in the lane next to me, then she felt on the road in front of my car. The whole weekend I have been crying it was very shocking…and so sad to know what made her take that decision, even though I don’t know her my thoughts were with her the whole weekend… Until today I had the strength to search in the internet for her, So Jack thank you so much for making this public, also thanks to all the people that made comments it helped me to understand what happen. I sent my love and thoughts to her family and friends. This is a big lesson for all of us, what if we create a world where families can have communication, where people empower people and only see the greatness in others. What kind of world do you want?…. It starts with the family.
I This is heart breaking for me to hear and read about. These children have so much going against them that simply did not existe when I was growing up. I am in my 50’s and all my children are grown. We have to show love by being loving, teach compassion by being compssionate, chairity starts at home and than spreads abroad. Those of us who are parents know how frustrating that job, one of the most important jobs you will every have, can be, but remember this when they are young they get on your nerves, when they grow up they are on your heart and their childhood does not last that long be kind to your children God gave them to you as a gift, make their childhood beautiful because we live in a ugly world and must prepare them for it. My prayers are for the family, suicide is a permenate solution to a temporary problem God bless and keep them in his perfect will
Esther Thank you for posting this I too think that children grow too fast I always fear if what I said will make them upset or if it was bad enough to stay with them forever,,,,
When I was little my mom said something to me that stayed so I try my hardest not to do this with my kids but sometimes we say things that we can not take back…
I am watching my children grow so fast and I can not stop it I can just watch them and pray they do good with their lives.
One of the school teachers is a family friend she reports the girl being bullied after returning to school that had part to do with her jumping
This was on the news this little girl jumped off a bridge in Tacoma. It is not fake. It’s completely real. The car she landed on was my aunts car.
This beautiful little girl is real and is now in heaven as of the result of bullying and abuse. My family and children know kids that were friends and went to school with her plus we know her teachers. Yes this is real…please do not diminish her memory by doubting reality. Our whole community is devastated and trying to deal with this loss of another of God’s perfect Angels. Now she is watching over all of us and the least we can do is learn from this tragedy and Love and respect and protect our precious children. God Bless You Izzy…. RIP
It happened in my home town. I wondered the same thing though.
There is an active investigation going on hence why there is not very much news about it.
This is my daughter friend and she has passed away to today. ..that clip was just a lil bit of what her father did to her…hope CPS gets involved and lets pray for all the kids at this school
Hi Jamie, so sorry to hear about this. I’m a reporter with KING 5 and I’m trying to get to the bottom of the story. If you feel comfortable, could you send me an email at jknutson2@KING5.com? Thanks – thoughts are with all who knew her.
Is this by the Tacoma mall? We saw what looked like a memorial there on the bridge today around 8p. Looked like a group of about 20 or so. Thought somebody must’ve died in an accident. Sad.
Yea That’s what you saw…
I have friends that know the family and my daughter is friends with someone that know her. A good friend of mine works with the her father. A lot of grapevine stuff going around, BUT the gofundme for the family, has condolences, as it appears she has passed on.
Apparently from a bunch of students that knew her, not only did her hair get cut, but he burned some of her clothes, and smashed her guitar. As of right now, it is all hearsay, but if it is true, he has some explaining to do. I have never been one for this public shaming crap.
where can I find the gofundme for her? I cant find it…
They’re asking for money so dad can take time off from work? What?
I don’t know the little girl ask I know is that this was so disturbing for my father to drive past and see this little girl on the roof top of the persons car she landed on and when he was telling the story it really broke his heart to see the outcome of the little girl…words can not describe the loss and the pain I feel for this family…people do not know what they are doing when it comes to embarrassing their children…now if people took the time to put ourselves in these kids shoes…stuff like this could be avoided…and for someone like my father to have to witness the outcome of tragedys such as this one…when he told the story it almost sounded as if he wanted to cry…this is really really sad…and what’s even sadder is that this little girls father will never be able to rest the same ever again….and it was all due to not taking a minute out to figure out her consequences for her actions…May God heal her poor little soul
the girl that passed away was my best friend her dad treated her so wrong and the kids at school that made fun of her didn’t even deserve to know her she was an amazing person I loved her like my sister!!!
So sorry Ariana for your loss. She was lucky to have you as a friend who cared and it gave her comfort .Just so sorry. Bullying no matter by who is wrong
Ariana I am sorry for your loss. Prayers for healing.
Be strong little one. Be the beacon of light those closest need.
“We can forgive a child afraid of the dark; the tragedy of life is a man afraid of the light…” Plato
Ariana & all that knew this girl……I am so sorry to hear about this tragedy & sorry for your loss. It is always terrible when a child feels so overwhelmed & hurt that they take their own life. Even sadder that it was brought on by her own parent. She was far to young.
I’m so sorry for your loss Ariana. *hug* 😦
Ariana, I was 19 when my dear friend committed suicide as I sat in the next room. My heart goes out to you. I was 14 when my best friend died of a brain tumor. Life can be extremely hard at times. Speak out, advocate, be her voice. Thank you for sharing here. You are a brave girl and your friend was blessed to have you. ((((hugs)))
Losing someone that close is always hard. Please talk to someone. If there is nobody you feel comfortable talking to please call 1800-273-TALK. They are there to help people that are feeling like hurting themselves or to help those that have list someone to suicide. It is hard for many people to understand the pain you are feeling, remember that sometimes people will say stupid or hurtful things, not because they are mean, but because they don’t know what to say to you. Know that there are a lot of people you haven’t met thinking about you and knowing how much you hurt.
I’m so sorry Ariana, for the loss of your best friend.. This is truly sad very heartbreaking. Your All in my thoughts and Prayers! I live in Wisconsin I saw about this from someone that posted bout this in a group. I am very sorry..
Much Love to you! May your soul and hers find Peace!
My son is a 6th grader at Giaudroni Middle School, and since I found out about this tragedy I’ve been sick to my stomach. Especially when my son told me some of the things being said about how her father treated her is some of the most horrific things I’ve ever heard of a father doing to his daughter. I could not imagine how bad this poor little girl felt, especially because it was her own father (who I feel has no right to even call himself her father) who chopped all of her beautiful hair off as a form of punishment for whatever and as if that wasn’t enough he proceeded to video tape it as he taunted her and posted on social media for all to see trying to publicly shame her. When I feel he’s the one who should be ashamed of himself. I’ve also heard that he burned some of her clothes and smashed up her gaiter. No child deserves to be bullied or abused especially by a parent. It’s one thing to punish your child but to chop off your daughters hair and post it online for everyone to see is down right cruel and wrong and her father should not only have to live with the fact that he lost his daughter due to his own actions, he should also be held accountable for his actions by going to prison. He had to have known what kind of impact this would have on a young girl in middle school we all know how cruel kids can be these days. I think that this tragedy could have and should have been prevented. Kids have a hard enough time with all the bullying that goes on at school let alone having to deal with the biggest bully going on at home especially coming from a parent. My heart goes out to all of her friends and family that truly loved and cared about her. I hope that everyone learns from this tragedy and that we all remember how fragile life is. This could have been prevented so if you have a friend or family member who is being bullied whether it be another kid or a parent tell someone and get them the help that they need to avoid tragedies like this. I think that there should much stricter laws against all types of bullying whether it takes place at school or at home. Because obviously this beautiful and smart young girl felt that there was no way out, that there was no one that could help her especially because it was her own father that was tormenting her. Parents need to put themselves in their child’s shoes and try to see where they are coming from, and maybe tragedies like this wouldn’t happen. You never know what state of mind your child is in unless you talk to them ask questions find out what’s going on in their lives. You never know what could push a child over the edge.
There’s more to this story. I talked to her teacher. She was shamed in front of her peers by the principal and forced to withdraw her running for ASB Student Body President. She begged him to stop and he said wait in the hallway… She was getting bullied by family, peers, and admunitrator at school. No wonder she saw no way out. Poor baby… My daughter was hiding and crying one day because of bullying and this precious girl comforted her. I owe her for helping my Baby…. We need to band together and change the school!!!!
Well said. It has also been reported to me that this young lady was being regularly abused by her father, which forced her to wear long sleeve shirts and pants. I am a mandated reporter, and YES I did make the report. I pay to God that the father and family are fully investigated!
Hi Lissa, it sounds like there is a lot more to this story. I’m a reporter with KING 5 and I’m trying to get to the bottom of it. Such a sad story, hoping we can do a story that can help others. If you feel comfortable, could you reach out to me at jknutson2@KING5.com? Thoughts are with you and everyone who knew her.
Hi Ariana, so sorry to hear about your best friend. I’m a reporter with KING 5, trying to get to the root of this story. If you feel comfortable, could you reach out to me at jknutson2@KING5.com? Thanks, and my thoughts are with you and everyone who knew her.
I am so sorry for your lost Ariana. I can’t imagine what you, her family and everyone close to her are going through.. God Bless you both for being in each others lives. May she rest in peace.
I’m so sorry to hear what your friend went through no child deserves to have a dad like that and to know that she had a hard time at school makes this story alot worse this poor little didn’t deserve any of this my heart ❤ is braking just writing this what’s wrong with some of these parents may god be with this beautiful little girl and may she finally rest in peace I will be praying for her little soul
Please if any one has any info about any type of gofundme page for this precious Angel please can we get the information out so she may have a proper burial so she may be laid to rest the way she deserves God Bless Her!!!
She died from her injuries last night. My daughter is a friend of a friend. Very sad.
My daughter went to school with Izzy. We were both at the bridge event and at the busiest there was a good 100 kids there and a few parents as well.. Kids are hurting. Emotions are high and rumors are flying, hard to figure out the real from the rumor.. Facts are she is dead!, a beautiful smart girl felt that jumping off a bridge to her dead was better than going home in a car with her dad and grandmother. From the boys who actually witnessed it, said she just ran, jumped up on the fencing and leaped over. No hesitation. just did it. I feel sorry for Izzy, the 3 boys who had to witness it, the drivers of the cars that she landed on and hit her. Oh and I saw the video!! longer versi were being shown at the bridge by all her friends.
“Public Shaming” is just another term for bullying.
I totally agree. May this be a lesson to everyone.
Sad, sad, sad 😥
When I wrote the article, Izzy was still alive and so I felt that it wasn’t right to put her name out there for even more public scrutiny. I haven’t decided if it’s appropriate to release her name or not.
It is probably wise for all of us to consider her family and not publicly name them. I feel like the whole cycle will start over again if their names were mentioned due to the nature of social media shaming now the father and family.
My condolences to the family and friends of this sweet girl.
I’m sorry but I agree with Michelle.. they should be named.. and besides they are asking for money in a gofundme. Where they have their pictures and names up so they aren’t trying to stay private! (Which I can say from the period i knew them they definitely didn’t need more money and could afford a very nice funeral)
I personally agree with Heylina. I’m sure this family will get flamed enough without adding to it unnecessarily. Your message is about stopping the public shaming, and it would be a little contradictory if you then sort of encouraged it by revealing the family’s name.
They are NOT asking for money. Read the gofundme carefully – it’s clearly extended family members or friends that are organizing it. Leave them alone – their daughter just killed herself. That’s punishment enough for now.
I agreed with your initial decision. Since the shame and embarrassment brought about by the haircut/video/family situation appeared to be the main factor in the girl’s suicide attempt it seemed in poor taste for people to be sharing it with the world. I understand people were doing it in an attempt to shame the father and focus the blame for what happened on him but it felt misguided, gossipy and exploitative. Now that she’s gone I’m not sure how I feel about it.
It seems like this type of parenting is generally met with praise in our culture, from the Baltimore mother beating her son’s ass on national TV to the dozens of fathers running over their kids video games with lawnmowers on YouTube. “I’d beat my kid’s ass if they acted like that” is an all too common refrain.
I hope that everyone involved gets the counseling they need.
I hope the girl, and everyone that knew and loved her, finds peace.
I just want to say Thank you for taking the time to write a story in honor of this little girl. There need to be more people like you who take the time to draw attention to such a serious case of parental neglect at the very least. The sad part is that as a society there are still very few places or resources for child like her that are/were in obvious need of someone to hear their voice. Again thank you sir for bringing this to light. My heart truly aches for family,friends, and any one affected by this tragedy.
Yes, you are doing the right thing. An eye for an eye, and we all go blind. It is good that you wrote the story, because it gives parents a perspective on how shaming their children is abusive, and can have negative consequences. It also gives our community a chance to reach out with Love to the ones who have suffered.
well the youtube video that was posted to in the comments to honor her, has her name on it. So if you would really like to keep her anonymous then as sad and special as that video is, maybe it should be removed from the comments. May that baby rest in peace and may her family have peace someday.
R.I.P Izzy. My thoughts and prayers are with all of the students and staff @ Giaudrone Middle School, and thankful for the grievance counselors that will be at school for them tomorrow. My daughter is also a 7 TH grade student @ Giaudrone Middle School, I was crossing the bridge to pick my daughter up, but because of police activity, it was slow, when I reached the bridge I learned of Izzy jumping, and I was sick to my stomach. Please stay strong for Izzy, be a friend to someone that is being bullied, no matter who the bully is.
jack, you are so correct in your article. Abuse and suicide need to be addressed more and intervention needs to happen more quickly then it is. My heart goes out to all those affected by her death. I have 4 children and would never…NEVER publicly shame them. That is no way to treat a human, let alone a child. I hope that her death can be what it takes to bring a big change in how people get involved. Please do not bury your head in the sand people. Please stand up for all children and be their protector. Be there to help, not to spread more hurt.
I had no idea I knew the family when I read this.. and I was balling. I feel so much pain for that little girl. Such horrible parenting.. there is just no excuse. Even if they believed cutting her hair was an appropriate punishment for whatever it is she did (I mean she had TWO warnings you guys were practically saints smh) punishing a child and HUMILIATING them are two different things. Recording it…making it public in any way where her friends or family can see it..
I am so ashamed to have ever been in the same room as these people. I hope the pain and guilt never weakens.
Amen!! Well written!!
Their names are on the gofundme account that they set up to help the dad be able to pay bills and take time off???
I don’t believe just shaming her by cutting her hair off was all of it. Kids these days worry so much about social media and being embarrassed that they are willing to kill themselves because of a little shame. Its the society we live in now days. He father was right to discipline her for be a minor and getting high and kicking it but Sounds like her father was too hard on her like mental abuse! We also need to focus on the kids at school who were bulling her and giving her a hard time! Bulling from your school mates makes deep scares in your life for a long time and what was happening at school also takes a part in this tragic innocent!
You don’t know what happens behind closed doors!!!! I worked at the elementary school that she went to and every time she seen me dropping my girls off at the middle school they all attended, she would always speak with a smile and a hug! For you to say what you have said is foul!!!! She is NOT the person that has been portrayed by her father. She was always willing to help, cheer someone up when they were sad, she was one of the most kindest souls I have ever met in a child outside of my own. She had compassion that was beyond any person’s understanding. What ever happened between her leaving elementary to middle school, no one knows but those who were close to her. And yes, middle schoolers can be cruel and straight up mean, but that’s not what pushed her to do this. It was her home life that did and I can personally say I know EXACTLY how she felt and what was going through her head. For those of us that smile and make others laugh, you best believe that we work hard at it, very hard because there is a battle and a war going on inside of us that have gone through what this young lady has gone through. I personally wish I was there to stop her and to let her know it gets better. Just please, be mindful of what you say, especially when you don’t know all the true honest to goodness details.
My nieces went to school with her and they were told it all started when she posted a selfie to instagram and dad saw it and then began destroying her stuff and physically and mentally abusing her, then shamed her by cutting hair and posting video. Friday at school she was crying allday and was asked numerous times what was wrong. I’m also told that administration knew of something but not sure how much. Either way, grandma and dad picked her up after school…
Children don’t come with instructions, and I’m sure her father was trying to gear her in the right direction. He has to live with this for the rest of his life. Everyone should just respect that.
I agree totally
He should have respected her and maybe just maybe she’d still be around.
I might not be the best parent, but I try and my boys are all still speaking to me and alive. No matter how mad I have EVER been with them, I would never bully them. And that is exactly what this was… bullying. I didn’t know Izzy, but my nieces did, and my heart breaks for all of her friends who are now missing her and wondering why. My heart is broken for the loss of this child and breaking for her siblings. They still have to live with a parent who clearly didn’t know HOW to parent. I pay that they grow up happy healthy and safe, and that is all I can say.
I see a lot of rocks being thrown from glass houses. smh
I have all grown children now…a very good piece of parenting advice…Always think years ahead…will my words or actions effect my child in the future? Look at the big picture…If my parent would have cut my long hair as a punishment, I would still remember that and hold hard feelings the rest of my life. For many girls, long hair is like a superman cape…it makes them who they are. PLEASE think before being cruel.
I can’t even. . .
Who could possibly think that was an okay way to treat one’s child? NOTHING could possibly deserve that treatment. And then to record the humiliation and post it online, too? That father must have a sick, sick heart. That poor girl. . .and her siblings. My heart aches for her friends, too.
Thank you for writing this. I don’t want to judge anyone for the way they chose to parent. This poor girl, oh what terror she must of felt to actually jump. My heart has been broken all weekend. To hear that she has passed is absolutely terrible. I have spent two days trying to understand. It is not comprehendable. Bless you Izabell. I hope you find some peace in Gods hands.
Doug and Sonia, I know that I’m not an ideal parent, but this behavior is clearly egregious.
My husband and I were driving south on I5 when we saw a cars roof caved in, then we looked up and saw people looking over and then I saw her little broken body laying on the freeway…no one could see all the fragments of her broken heart. I am still grieving I drove to the overpass today and saw the memorial and all her friends grieving this beautiful girl..what a tragic loss… Maybe people can learn something from this. She lost hope. My heart is broken for her. Thank you Jack for posting this story it helped me a lot.
Sir, I want to thank you very much for writing your article. I had heard a little about this sad story and I wanted more info & I couldn’t find anything more than the TnT article, but then I saw this posted on somebody’s Facebook page & it answered my questions. Thank you very much. I am praying for her friends and family .
All the comments are gone from go fund me, and it no longer says it is so dad can take time off work, but so they can bring family too town. It is so sad, The more I hear about the father, the more I pray KARMA catches up with him. And, Anna Valdez….the family blocked all news crews and reporters, that’s why there are no articles online, as they could be sued…..I took pics of the memorial site, full of candles, balloons, teddy bears, photo boards, chalk writings from one end of the bridge, to the other, and on the wall under the fence, all I could do was cry, Prayers for her classmates, as they are truly hurting and missing this precious angel
This is incredibly sad. It seems to be en vogue to publicly shame your child, and if it’s captured on social media, the mother/father is lauded as parent of the year. I am judging the father who did this to his daughter. I am not perfect, but I would never intentionally humiliate any child over something so trivial. Yes, he will have to live with the outcome of his actions – the key word being LIVE. His daughter won’t have that opportunity.
My thoughts are with the family, including the father. I can’t imagine how I’d react if I saw my 13 year old pose like that which this child did. Hopefully, I would have responded differently.
I shall not judge the father on his moment of stupid. Too many of my own through life. Just going to leave that to God and the courts.
There is nothing more precious in life than a daughter. God bless that child and welcome her to Heaven with Your loving arms.
I’m not sure where your knowledge of her “pose” comes from, but kids do mimic popular culture. Regardless, we’re never going to change their hearts with shame or fear. They have to understand “why,” and our punishments need to be logical.
Does anyone know when or where a service might be for her?? I feel I need to go…it was heart wrenching seeing her, and then seeing her friends at the sight crying for her. I would like to pay my respects.
I have been reading some of the numerous comments about this situation. At this point, I don’t know the full story and I am not sure that I want to know the full story. This kind of thing is very vexing to the Spirit. I will say this. Before passing opinions it is very important to look at all sides and all contributing factors of any situation, including this one. I was knew a young Samoan young lady who had long beautiful hair one day, and when I seen her again, her hair had been cut to a short boyish style. I was shocked. Immediately, I asked her “What happened to your hair???” She jokingly responded “I am being punished.” She seemed to be taking responsibility for whatever she had done. She also explained to me that in Samoan culture, it is customary to cut a child’s hair if they are being disobedient. At this point, I still don’t know, if this young lady, Izzy is Samoan or not. As soon as I began to read about a young girl committing suicide, because her hair was cut, I immediately began to think of the Samoan customs. I have said all of that, to say this. We as outsiders have to be careful to pass judgment before we have all the facts. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that the father shouldn’t be punished. In defense of the father, he might have been doing what thousands of other Samoan parents have done and what may have been customary in his culture for generations. If they are Samoan or another ethnic group that has these sorts of customs. I am the type of person who would question, what is it that she did to make her father feel that she should be punished by cutting her hair. I also can’t help but to wonder what was going on with this child to make her want to go and jump off of a bridge. Was there other abuses, bullying or anything??? Let’s just be careful before we all jump to conclusions.
Thank you for this explanation.
Izzy wasn’t Samoan.
FYI -The hair cutting of Samoans is of no shock to a young Samoan. It has an established cultural significance. It’s more the accepted norm if you get caught having a boyfriend too early. A Samoan girl won’t fall out over that. It’s like a spanking. The girl probably got a good beating too. She would’ve expected it if she got caught, but thought the dude was worth it. Happens in every family.
Clearly, Izzy (who is not a Samoan), was not ok with the treatment and I am guessing that death was more appealing than facing her father and home life. She just couldn’t take it anymore. I can only imagine what was said in that car ride home to have pushed her over the edge at that moment. A lot of grief and desperation.
Everyone, this sweet girl is (was) my brother-in-law’s niece! Those who have shared their griefs and prayers…”Thank You!” It is very heartbreaking and the family is still at a very loss and they are grieving! No one can ever be prepared to face the loss of their loved ones, most especially their own child! Please do not plant any ill wish towards her father but rather pray for him! Pray for the brokenhearted! Pray for healing!
Psalms 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those whose spirits are crushed”
Matthew 5:4. God bless the family and friends.
I believe you are right. Just living with her gone must be punishment enough for his soul.
Amen–I believe full heartedly that he only had good intentions.. he only wanted his baby girl to stay his baby girl.. I believe that he thought after warnings.. punishment was due.. i, too, have done the same to mine. I threw away every toy, cut hair.. not to hurt them, to teach them right from wrong when they disobey. To guide them to be better.. I’m praying for his heart.. not to Blame himself.. He was acting as a parent. Praying that God just holds him, his wife, their kids, the entire family, loved ones.. that God comforts them & gives them peace & His divine reassurance.. It won’t happen over night.. but, with God, all things are possible.. many prayers.. many..
Yes! Me too
There are far, far better ways to teach kids right from wrong. You say you threw out all their toys & cut their hair “not to hurt them”, but surely you can see that is exactly why you did it, otherwise what is the reason for it? The whole point is to cause them pain in a misguided attempt to “teach a lesson”, yet the real lesson they learn from that even the people who are supposed to love them most in the world think it is OK to hurt them. Where else can they turn? No wonder kids who are subjected to that sometimes think that death is the only way out. My husband was raised by people like you and he still has suicidal thoughts to this day.
Please take this tragedy as a prompt to go learn how to be a real parent rather than resorting to bullying, before something like this happens to your own kids.
May god forgive the father
Let’s not have a knee jerk reaction to this. You’re not the parent or the child. I’m certain there is much more to the story than this incident. At least this parent cared enough to be involved. If the child jumped because of her hair there were other problems that probably needed to be addressed also.
The video. Let Izzy’s decision be her voice. Let it not go unheard. There is a lesson to be learned and it is the dangers of bullying your child. One thing to cut her hair. Quite different to post it.
This is not a working link it seems.
not working link. i agree the video should remain p[ublic
The link works. I just played it. You got to use a flash enabled browser or your desktop computer. I wish i knew how to get it to work on youtube. If you got an android phone and it ain’t working, you don’t have adobe flash.
I just clicked the link and it plays. I can’t erase the sound of that music in my ears.
I’ve tried it on all of my computers with Flash enabled. No luck. Any chance you could play it on your computer, record it with a smart phone and then send that file to me at firstname.lastname@example.org?
I was thinking the same thing. The hair cutting, perhaps that was a just punishment, but to post it online to humiliate is straight up bullying, and by a parent is so much more of a betrayal than any other bully! 😦
T …I hold the father culpable. I have no idea what you’re trying to say ..just quote the entire passage because not everyone subscribes to the same holy book as you. The father was the moving party. He should be glad to go to jail…it might purify him. I won’t donate ..he might use the money for a lawyer. Wonder if it’s worth it to him now.
Sad article, but written really well.
NONE of us are perfect parents. There is NO punishment worse than the one the father is already suffering from. Leave him alone. Had he known the outcome, he wouldn’t have done this. Sadly, this is a lesson for all of us as parents. No one knows the “correct” way to teach your child a lesson. No one in this family wins. It doesn’t help that there are hundreds of videos that have gone viral showing parents doing this to their kids, so obviously other parents think it’s a good idea to try out. What we all need to do as a community it pray for this family. Not beat them while they are down. He clearly loved his daughter and that’s why he was upset to see her not obeying. As parents we love our children so much that we often act out of anger when we don’t see our kids acting as we wish. I can definitely say I have made mistakes as a parent, and also can say I learn every day. Parenting is a day to day thing, you learn and grow everyday. My thoughts and prayers are with this family. I hope the Angels know what they have sweet girl, shine on beautiful. (Side note: beating this dad while he is down is just as bad as public shaming. It is bullying and he himself could act upon it. No one needs to punish him more than he already has gone through.)
Thank you Notaperfectparent.
I agree with no parent is perfect but since when is it right for parents resulting to shaming their child on social media as a form of discipline! Isn’t it enough that kids are doing it amongst each other now parents want to be part of what is called Cyber Bullying! There is and never will be a justification for any parent to shame their child for the world to see!
So sad to read about what happened to this beautiful young girl who had her whole life ahead of her. May she rest in peace.
May god Bless All the Little children of the world and hold them safely within his arms . My heart just aches for her & her loved ones 💔
Thanks for sharing this video! Her smile shows no pain and smile like that makes hard for anyone who doesn’t know what she truly feels inside!
May you Rest in Peace Izabel
May God comfort you in his arms
As we will continue to pray for healing, strength and understanding to all thise who Love You!
Ik who the girl is her name is izzy and went to giadroune middle school she passed yesterday
Thank you for this thoughtful and discreet story. For those who are upset that it didn’t make the news, don’t be. School counselors like me have worked very hard to convince the media not to report on suicides. Why? To prevent further suicides.
I’d be very interested to talk to you at some point. Perhaps for a 5 Question Friday about how you work with kids and what the job entails. Email me at email@example.com
Getting a job out of this jack?
In case you are interested there are guidelines in how the media can responsibly cover suicide…it is always important to include how to get help http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention/recommendations-for-reporting-on-suicide.shtml
There are responsible ways to report on suicide, including how to get help 1 (800) 273-8255 http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention/recommendations-for-reporting-on-suicide.shtml Thank you for sharing this story in the sensitive way that you did.
Just sweep that child abuse right up under the rug, right? Convenient and comfortable for all the people in authority who could have helped this kid, but didn’t.
Okay I generally ignore trolls, but seriously how do you get off trolling a comment board about a teen suicide? No one is saying anything about ignoring child abuse. Not making something a media circus does not mean the same thing as sweeping an issue under the rug. Problems with authority much?
I’m with KING 5 and I understand your view. We generally don’t report on suicides – but this may be a little different depending on the situation. If we can help others by reporting on a situation like this, it can be worth it. We’re trying to figure out what led to the teens’ death and see if there is a way we can help others. If you’d like to talk about it, please email me at jknutson2@KING5.com. Thanks.
Elise, I hear you about the possible media contagion that can occur when suicides are reported. Though, I do think with the right approach this story is an important one. If we cover this up, we are covering up child abuse. Izzy wanted to be heard… This is the most public show of devastation. We owe her and others to respectfully and tastefully report this. This needs to be directed to parents.
Completely agree with you, Jenn
I totally agree!
This story has broke my heart. But it has also infuriated me! Apparently, there is an upswing in parents punishing/shaming their kids by use of online video. I consider this cyber bullying and cant understand why a parent would choose to publicly humiliate their kid. So I think the story should be reported on, not to “shame” this one father ( how will he ever get over losing his daughter for what may be his doing), but to bring to light this so called ” new way of disciplining your child!” These YouTube videos of parents shaming their kids, are no longer funny! Do parents do this public shaming because they actually think it works? Are they trying to get their 15 minutes of fame? As a society, who says we don’t tolerate bullies and tell our kids to be careful what photos they put of themselves on the internet, and try to bring cyber bullies to justice—but is it ok to publicly shame our kids over the internet? And many of us have seen those YouTube videos of parents shaming their kids–and we laughed. So ENOUGH! The story is, It Isn’t ok to publicly shame or cyber bully anyone! But my God! public shame/cyber bully by parents is blowing up everywhere over the internet–That’s why this story should come out!
Somehow, let this family heal dear God!
Will the parents put a wig on the head of their dead daughter for the funeral to cover up what they did, or will her head of her corpse be left bald to show off to the world her father’s idea of discipline?
Michelle when’s the last time you saw her? Facts? Fiction? Do you know what’s what? Do you have a child? I have 6, 23 to 4 and I can guarantee I would not want to hear what they said about me @ 13 14 15 16 17 years old…these parents LOVE their children have the biggest hearts. Stop believi g everything you read. Just cause someone wrote it doesn’t make it truth
Here is a link to the video that Jack is referring too.
We must come together as a community and help these young people understand that there are other options.
Nobody dedicdes to commit auicide after one bad day. People struggle for months and sometimes years before actually deciding to commit suicide.
No one understands or knows what Izabel faced as a youth in society today. No one knows her anxieties, frustrations, thoughts, etc…except her!
From this story we can learn a few things: 1. Yes, public parent shaming is terrible but parents have the right to discipline how they please even if others don’t agree.
2. As adults, we must come together and stop writing about the “what we should do…” and start taking action to help our youth in Tacoma. (Pierce county has had some of the highest suicide rates in the nation for years this is not something new)
3. Let’s pray for Izabel and her family. They need love and prayer more than anything right now.
#1. Parents can discipline their child as they see fit. (paraphase).
Absolutely disagree. With everything there are boundaries of a child’s personhood you do not cross. The father cut her hair. This is child abuse–it is emotional and physical abuse. He let her know he can dominate over her and control her being at any time. He brought about fear in a manner that is flat out dangerous and crossed personal boundaries.
Cutting her hair might not be explicitly addressed in Washington States’s definition of child abuse, but his actions do follow Section 5b.
5(b) “Actions, failures to act, or omissions that result in injury to or which create a substantial risk of injury to the physical, emotional, and/or cognitive development of a child; or”
I have read quite a few parents’ comments on here discussing how they were not always a “good parent” and maybe they have things/memories that have brought questions about how they treated their children. I ask that you do not take your own personal questioning/doubt and project it onto this case. Every child has a right to live without fear of his or her own personal safety. Izzy’s personal body and integrity were abused. Let’s keep that focus.
Michelle your Facebook photo seems like you have a happy family, but you come off in your comments as if you have some serious anger issues. Maybe you need help? People who know the kid and the family are still trying to figure this all out and process it. Your bitter comments are at best simply not constructive. Maybe try a kind word, instead of trying to be hurtful?
Or maybe I’m just the type of person that gets tends to get incredibly vocal about evil. That more people don’t, and in fact minimize it, rationalize it, justify it is disturbing. Have a good look in the mirror before you bring out your patronizing garbage, Bob. You have a good day.
Michelle, you keep on going on with the name calling and pitchforking, I guess that might be what gets you off. I’m done here… I’ll wait for the police and CPS to do their investigations, and go from there.
http://www.justiceforizabel.com to keep track of news and information. Parental bullying cannot be kept quiet, and cannot be regarded as an acceptable form of ‘discipline’.
My heart breaks for the entire family. Losing a child is EVERY parents worst nightmare, I dare say even more to this family. I have had the pleasure of seeing first hand these TWO loving parents love not only their own children, but give, donate and supply to tons more through their selflessness to many children. The first family To give back!
To those who stand in judgement of this family my question to you is
#1 are you a believer in Christ? If so, shame on you! You are the reason people laugh in the face of Christianity, the reason some Church doors close, some how you think your sins are less than someone else’s. You think you own the right to judge. When in reality you are more accountable before our Lord. You think you can be the juror and judge to this family and you cannot. You should be in Prayer for peace for them, finding out any way to love on them. Any way! Loving your brother and sister in Christ was a command not a suggestion and not If you don’t agree with their parenting. But you sit on your soap box and look down your nose, that’s not Christ like at all.
#2 If youre not a believer, I understand that you may not have the compassion, love, mercy and forgiveness in your hearts that is needed to love on people when they are down. As this kind of love comes from God alone. I pray you find that love in him, and gain all that belief in Jesus has to offer.
This family needs love not hate.
For the ones that think they can *bully* people who set up an account to help this family into taking it down…Wouldn’t that be kind of like what your accusing this father of? Being a bully? Sending emails take it down or else? Do you want those public with your name attached? Please, be kind to one another.
A child is dead why is everyone going on about the family? Only the father and child knows what happen and until someone gives her a voice let her rest in peace.. People need to listen to the children and others who have taken their life. I do not know her and my heart breaks for what ever was going on in her life I am also on 48 st and the story is not fake
This girl was a friend to my grandson. I and I’m mortified that her parents could do this to their own child! I hope the parents get sent to death row. The reason he publicly shamed her is just as absurd! This whole thing makes me sick, sad and angry. I’m going to do what I can to make sure that the word gets out about what these parents did so they can be brought to justice!
Jody you know not what you speak of…
I am glad that someone in Tacoma had the courage to write about this girl. I was looking for more information after reading the Tribune’s initial story and could find nothing.
I agree amen
It has been reported outside of this blog. People have a heart. I have a 16 year old daughter this is gut wrenching.
I don’t think you should put out the names. I don’t think you would make much of a point that public shaming is bullying and contributed to the death by public shaming the family. Either you think public shaming is wrong or you don’t. I hope all of this girls friend and family know they can call 1-800-273-TALK if they are feeling overwhelmed, confused or like they might hurt themselves. These events are very hard, especially on friends and sometimes another child is so overwhelmed they also feel they can’t go on. Let’s focus on making sure everyone who currently needs help gets it.
May God have mercy on her soul,and help her family through these times. If anyone has doubt that this tragedy happened there’s a memorial at 48th street South just before the Tacoma mall over the i5 free way or just go to Guiadrone at 47th & Alaska street just around the corner from the tragedy.
This story is very real. My daughter attends that school so I received messages about this. The sad part is that the parents already raised 5k in a go fund me.
I cAnt agree with you anymore! Im so tired of all the remorse for the father when he is the one who caused it
Their initial go fund me said so he could stay home from work and care for his family. That has been removed. He needs to be held accountable for her death
I was driving south bound to Portland and passed by minutes after she jumped. I saw all the damage and was stopped by traffic right next to where she was laying. I was frustrated to not really hear or find anything about it later that night. I drove back home today and saw the memorial on the bridge and was hoping it was just for support. I’m so saddened to see this update and know that she is no longer with us.I only got a glimpse of this girl and what happened but feel deeply for her and have thought about it non stop since Friday. I talk to my 2 young children on a regular basis about bullying and not taking part in it and standing up for those who are being bullied. I understand why they don’t cover these situations more but they really should. Kids can be cruel but a lot of times they can’t/don’t really understand the impact of the things they say and do ,they could benefit being educated and exposed to the after math. I hope this poor girl can rest in peace and is in a place of love and acceptance now.
Thank you for addressing this issue with your kids. As a college student bullied throughout my early school days, it is painful to be bullied as it is to see others getting bullied. Kids can be cruel but it is an issue that parents should be taking initiative. It’s a blurred line when it comes to who’s right or wrong in this situation, but perhaps it is a societal issue in general.
This is the second one this month, how many more young children do we have to lose to bullying and wronged parenting?
This needs to be addressed. Since Friday my 14 year old a close friend of this young girls, began to tell me this story. Saturday saw a link of the video, had been crying and very sad explaining to me that she was told the father not only cut her hair, posted a video, but also had cut her undergarments, destroyed her clothing and yes publicly humiliated her. I have been so upset because the last time I checked our hair is a part of our body, so why has this not been determined a form of child abuse, or destruction of personal property, something? I watched that video and I was so crushed, the anger in the father’s voice I could hear it, the girls shoulders slightly rolled forward in shame ,hands in front if her face, showed she was not only shamed by this horrible man, but she looked very frightened. How is he not in jail? Where does defamation of character take place if he was posting this to humiliate her on Instagram? I am a very proud mother of a Giudrone Middle School child, and hearing that a female child was degraded to a point so bad rips my entire soul out. I can never say what she was going through, but from the torment this so called father put on his daughter,no matter what error she made in his eyes, she is a human being,she has feelings and this us a straight violation of her human rights. He should be addressed,arrested, or cited from Child Health and Welfare for a criminal act. The young lady obviously was afraid,scared,and alone. With a father on social media humiliating you what young child female/male wouldn’t be. My heart is with this child’s spirit and I pray so hard she is safe in heaven, but I agree this needs to be heard by the media. This is not acceptable by any means. I am here in any way I can to help this is a very personal matter to me as a parent, reading through Facebook at all the saddened children and teenagers that are affected by this little girl losing her life. Thank you sir/ mam for addressing this I have been thinking about this all weekend. Amber Rice
Amber you’ve never disciplined your child? My son had a Mohawk. (his choice) until he got bad grades, then I shaved it. My 22 year old watched pork in my home I broke his phone and he never had one again. My daughter went with a friend and chose thong panties and sexy bra I cut them up and three they away. As the mother of 6 children my husband have had to be soft, hard, and every where I’m between our jobs as parents is to love our kids sometimes tough love is the key. Instead of pointing @ sad wait for the truth. This man loved his children more that life itself, same for his wife. But it’s easy to sit back in the judgement seat for you isn’t it? Have you ever said something out you wish you hadnt they mess up you discipline them? Then they are gone? What if your child a o his have left you? What then? Would you still throw that stone in your hand? Or are you perfect?
Wow, I feel that it was wrong to cut her hair, ridicule her, and video record it absolutely. I do discipline my child, but never in a million years would I take it to such an extent. As a parent we are not there to weaken our children, but make them stronger. I would never torment my child to teach her a lesson. Teenage years are hard enough with peers, social influences, Social Media and the pressure of acceptance. Her hair was a part of her, who she is. Would it be any different if someone cut a child’s finger off, no that is a part of our human self, our sacred temple. I have every right to voice my concern as you have the same right to discipline your child. With the technologies today maybe just simply taking a phone away is enough for these children, because all parents know that have kids with cell phones, this is punishment enough. Love and talking to our children and explanation of what certain behaviors can lead to is adequate. Love goes a very long way even in discipline. I do not agree with public humiliation and have very strong beliefs on human rights, this was a violation in my opinion to this young lady in several ways. I sat and watched my child and the sadness on her face and to be shown as a mother this video ,because I did not believe it , ripped my heart out to feel what she in desperation must have been going through to take it to that extreme. We do not know what was going on at home, who are WE to speculate, but as far as I am concerned it is not acceptable and should be addressed, if other children are in the home, this shouldn’t be a form of punishment period. No way,no shape no form and I will keep praying for her soul to be at peace and for all the children of our community. I am very much active in my children’s life and part of that is staying involved in the village to say. I’m with Jack and this should be heard. God bless
I agree w you. Except the public shaming part, or let’s call it what it is, bullying. There are cyber bullying laws that are only in existence because it pushes young ones to suicide. Yes yes yes, take the possessions, cut up the shameful clothing, even cut the hair, it’s only hair it grows back!! But to humiliate someone is cruel, especially to publicly humiliate ones own child, is abuse and even more of a betrayal. Sure the dad may be hurting now, hopefully that pain will spark him into never publicly humiliating his other children
@wow, ok so you forcibly shaved your son’s head. You destroyed the property of your 22 year old (adult) son for watching what I assume was porn (your post says pork), and you destroyed the property of your daughter for purchasing items of which you did not approve. I think it is safe to say that you are also an abusive parent. And no, I have never destroyed property or physically assaulted my children because I was angry. There is a line and it appears you are well past it.
It is the public shaming and cyber bullying that I strongly disagree with. Not disciplining our children. It is our duty to teach our kids right and wrong and that we all are responsible for our actions. But lifes lessons should never be taught by shame and humiliation—least of all by our parents!
I’m a reporter with KING 5 – such a sad story. It sounds like you know a little more about the circumstances surrounding this than I do. If you’re willing, could you reach out to me at jknutson2@KING5.com to talk a little more about it? Thanks – thoughts are with you and all who knew her.
This is a RIP video… I found on like articles on Facebook…Bless this sweet beautiful heart. Sad she was in such a dark place to feel she couldn’t continue living.. Gods got you my dear.. If in fact said parents did publicly shame, humiliate, abuse then by God they should be held accountable. Children make bad choices but so do parents it’s our job to teach and encourage them to make the right choices and know there are consequences for the bad choices but NOT PUBLIC HUMILIATION! To her friends, siblings, and witnesses May God wrap his arms around you and help you through the healing.. Hold on to your memories of this precious child.. Don’t hesitate to seek help to deal/handle your loss or grief.. RIP sweet Angel…
Here is link to the video on youtube
Perhaps by sharing, it may discourage another parent from engaging in this behavior, and this tragic outcome can be prevented. Let Lizzy’s death not be in vain.
I am so torn on this story. While I applaud the media for not harming the family more, I think this story needs to be out there. Normally I would say we should wait and see if this is true before publicizing it, I think that this needs to be used as a warning to parents who want to jump on the public shaming bandwagon as a way to punish their children. It used to be the pictures of kids standing on street corners holding a sign saying what they did, and now it is parents video taping it instead.
If you think public shaming is so wrong, why would you want to provide the link to the video? Her death isn’t just because of public shaming. Her hair was cut off against her will. There was probably a feeling of being violated. When a thirtren year old is “getting messed up” off anything other than pixie sticks, there are probably mental health, behavorial issues and issues in her home.
When a parent thinks cutting off a girls hair is a sufficient consequence for their child “getting messed up” there is a serious problem. One, the only lesson I can see is that someone may use you being under the influence as an opportunity to violate you. The punishment did not seem to relate to her offense. Whether the video was shared or not, it could’ve been an opportunity to teach the young lady to be a responsible citizen rather than to belitlle and stifle her.
I agree. It’s why the video isn’t in the original post. I needed the video for other media sources that have contacted me about this story so that they can run their own stories and get the word about this in hopes that other parents will watch and think twice about publicly shaming their kids. My goal more than anything else with this post is to make sure I don’t have to write about another child’s suicide due to public shaming.
●● Shaming Video is on youtube
Please email me as myself and others including parents had enough. We are planning a meeting to get these children’s voices heard and stop bullying!
This story will be in the news all over now. They are waiting for it to be declared a suicide.
They have the video link that was posted to youtube.
Thank you to the author of this blog on Tacoma Stories for covering this.
May another parent think twice about a shaming video.
I can’t get this poor girl off my mind- that she
Felt she had no one to turn to and that leaping to her death was
Better than going home is Heartbreaking. I sincerely hope this sweet little girl is in a better place now, in the arms of the Angels, Such a sad waste
of a Life…….
She was also publicly shamed at school that same day. She was made to go to school with a horrible haircut and had gotten pulled out of class by the principal for taking an inappropriate picture (I can only assume this was what the punishment was about). The other student who’s phone was used was also pulled out and this child begged the principal “please don’t do this here”. He told her to wait in the hallway and continued. All said and done this very popular girl was forced to withdraw in running for student body president, etc. One of her friends told me she was also facing bullying. My question is why didn’t any teacher or principal notice her hack job haircut and stop and think about what was going on? The dad messed up but he is not the only factor here. The schools issues need to be addressed. I removed my child from that school months ago. She had been bullied so much… Pushed downstairs, groped, hair shoved into locker, just to name a few. She is still recovering from a severe concussion and was on a suicide watch in the ER not too long ago… There is so much more to this story than meets the eye… BTW, I called the news about my daughter and this poor girl… It’s not getting reported on because it’s government money. The school always pushes fault back on the student and / or parent. I have tried lawyers and no one will touch it. The Neurologist treating my child told me not to go after the school because I will lose… If anyone knows a lawyer with gumption please let me know…
Thad Martin is an excellent lawyer and specializes in this type of case. He is Local.
So sorry to hear about your personal story. I hope your daughter is doing better. I’m with KING 5 and I’m looking deeper into this story. If you are willing, could you email me at jknutson2@KING5.com and we could speak a little more about the situation? Thanks.
I am in the same boat with my daughter. She goes to gauidrone and she been bullied by some other kids and staff members this includes the principal of the school and 2 other staff members !! I also tried to get others involved including school district office. And I could even get my student transfered to any other school . Bullying is not ok. Not by parent, not by peers, and certainly NOT STAFF!!! I’ve gone to several places for help and wrote statements about my daughter. My daughter was good friends with izzy and Izzy told people about her abuse and no one did nothing. There’s is more to blame then just her father. Trust
she suffered dearly. Not only at home but also at this school. Your right Jenny something needs to be done. I have had nothing but heart ache at that school.
there is a group forming right now email me at Vicknnatesmom@Yahoo.com.
as parents we need to join together with our stories and get something done my daughter has been to so many doctors I can’t even count in the last couple of weeks because of what she’s been through and I refuse to let it happen to anybody else
Does anyone have links to her social media accounts? Please post. She may have some that have valuable insight into this situation that needs to be reported before someone else finds them and deletes them. This almost happened to the video had a wise person not copied it.
😥 So sad, sad beyond words. My heart goes out to this young girl. The pain she must have felt deep in her soul…
Great Spirit, please help this poor family.
This is such a tragic story no matter how you look at it. I wasn’t going to write anything but the further I read, I decided to comment. This poor girl was humiliated and who knows what else other than her, what she was thinking and how she was feeling. Maybe it was more to it than just a hair cut and the hair cut was the final straw. I looked at the video and I can see pain in some of the pictures and forced smiles. What is sad is that she was too young to realize that maybe she had help and the one place that she knew where to get help, the school, turned her back on her too. So with the humiliation of her dad and the school, she couldn’t handle it. We need more education for the vulnerable young children who are in middle school and going through a rough time in their lives when there bodies are changing and become a teenager. As far as the media reporting suicides happen all the time. What would make this one different, other than she was young, and the circumstances of why she did it. They should focus on the why and not the who. Many years ago when I was celebrating my 40th birthday, I went to Katy Downs and there was a man floating in the water. Come to find out that he jumped the night before. No one knew why, the fire department couldn’t find him. The next morning his body floated to the top. When asked the staff at Katy Downs, they said he came in, ordered water and then jumped. No one knows why, and nothing in the paper. Suicides are not typically reported because of the sensitive nature of the family. The only time they will and it is usually not a big coverage, is if they need get information out the general public in help identifying someone, there is another news coverage associated with it and in my case, where my brother jumped from the Narrows Bridge, landed on the concrete piling and they needed the publics help identifying him. Suicide is a sudden, usually unexpected death, that the family does not want to see plastered all over the news media. Once he was identified, it went away from the news. May this little girl rest in peace and the family can move forward and the father doesn’t do anything to himself what happened to his daughter. He got his punishment and will have to live with that the rest of his life. RIP little angel and God Bless the family in helping them heal.
Reblogged this on Inform Inspire Change and commented:
Show me a child who deserves any abuse and what they have done, and maybe I’ll understand. Maybe, but probably not.
After reading Jack’s story and many of your comments, it clearly shows that if we really want to help stop bullying whether in school or outside of school we all need to stand by it and make time to take action as the news feels suicide due to bullying or a child taking their life is not as important as any other news. Creating a group of people that are able to commit to coming together to help with issues like this is desperately needed! So if anyone including you Jack are looking into doing something this, “COUNT ME IN!”
To the Beautiful Girl
I am sorry that you felt you had tondo what you did. I am sorry that your father decided he’s punishment of shaming you would solve his own problems. I am sorry that you felt alone. I am sorry for all the kids who have felt calling you names helped them get through their day. I am sorry for the adults who did not hear your cries. Most of all I am sorry that you felt that ending your life ends your pain and misery. You go and Rest in Peace! Just know that in my heart I hope to one day with a group of others to fight for you and all that have gone before you due to the action of others so no more follow after! Hope is all I can give as a promise is hard to keep in this world that we live in so for now, I will not loose HOPE and pray that many who read this will have HOPE!
If anyone is interested in forming a group please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
what is wrong with this country? now we can no longer punish our kids for fear that they will do something crazy like this? obviously cutting off her hair was a little too far as it’s very permanent but there were other problems before he cut her hair.as a kid I was dragged , literally dragged kicking and screaming bank into a store from which I had stolen a deck of cards.I made such a scene as I grabbed onto handrails and doorway edges, all while screaming and begging my mom to take me home.but there I was, in the store in front of everyone asking for forgiveness from the store manager.I have never stolen anything since then as that experience taught me so much.I never tried to kill myself over it, nor did the thought even cross my mind.we need to punish our kids.they need to learn important lessons or when they grow up the lessons are harder to learn.
I agree with Ryan. We do not really know what happened inside Izzy’s family. I don’t believe that there is a single parent in the world that would wish for his/her kids to go wrong. All we want for our children is to become good responsible generations making smart choices. Hair is just hair, I will not kill myself over hairs. I can grow them back again, we all get a haircut and they’re not painful at all. I will also not listen to the ridicule of friends. Teenagers needs to be strong nowadays. Izzy was a brave kid for jumping off that bridge to take her own life. Hard or not, is it worth it?
It wasn’t just her hair getting cut off that led to this Judy. I personally knew izzy since elementary school. Her father had mentally abused her for quit some time. And after her hair got cut off she was bullied about it. Her father also took away all her clothes and guitars too, not just her hair. She had nothing left, she felt alone. So maybe you wouldn’t commit suicide over ‘just hair’ but to a little girl who wasn’t emotionally stable that was just the last thing she could handle. I am greatly affected by this death and to think that people like you are judging her for what she did because you think it was ‘just hair’ makes me sick
No matter how strong a child is, parents are supposed to be the ones they turn to, not the ones they run from. Teenagers need to be strong these days? Are you kidding me? We hear stories all the time about children who commit suicide from being bullied by their peers. Imagine having it coming you at from all directions. It was not bravery that made her jump off that bridge!! She clearly felt like she had no where to turn which is devastating! No child should ever feel that way! Also as a parent raising a teenage girl, even if it did come down to just the hair, physical appearance to a teenager is important. There are many factors we have to thank for that. congrats to you for being stronger than this child.
How incredibly heartbreaking. I hope that there aren’t any other children in this household, and if there are, that CPS is working to ensure their safety.
Anna tell that go my daughter who hasn’t been sleeping or eating and just cries in my arms since this happened. I personally have emailed a few different news stations and so far nobody has touched the story.
My heart aches. I can’t even imagine what the poor girl went through day after day to feel like this was the only solution. We need to hug our children and tell them we love them. We also need to let them know that there is always someone they can talk to whether it be a parent, teacher, friend, school counselor, or someone anyone that they feel comfortable enough to talk too. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among teens and that is absolutely unacceptable. We need to end that!!
The kids have been doing a lighting at 6:30 the past night and planned on continuing throughout the week. Last night thanks to parents and school staff, they changed the location from the 48th street bridge to over at the school. If you go to where the school bus loafing zone is you will find where the kids set up Izzy’s tree.
I’m with KING 5 News and we’re looking into the story. Could you please reach out to me at jknutson2@KING5.com? Thanks.
PS – sorry to hear about your daughter’s and your sorrows.
If this was a one time thing I really feel for the father, but by the description of the video and the fearful response of the girl it makes me wonder how abusive he was with her & his other children? I’m not saying that all people of a certain ethnic background from Hawaii beat their kids, but after living there 15 plus yrs I saw a lot of abuse right in public and they considered it normal. I mention Hawaii cause I watched the memorial video and they are clearly from Hawaii, but moved to Washington. I hope the state looks into this and does an investigation. I’m not sure they know how to handle this cause WA state CPS is very incompetent.
Izzy was Filipino and Puerto Rican.
Now Polynesians (Samoan/Hawaiian) beat their kids but it is more culturally acceptable (if within reason) and they are just built differently. Probably why they are in high demand for such physical sports such as football & rugby.
Her father now knows the ultimate of all punishments, & nothing will ever make it better, or worse for him. His decisions can never be undone the same as her decision. I have gone through similar situations & no matter how much you try, some people can only be reached by certain people. Even if the conversation is brought up to teach children at the age of 9 -13, it’s still going to happen & it’s not going to save them all, but if it saves even one, then it’s worth it! These poor kids need to know that, even public shaming will fade & life keeps moving. Nobody would remember in a year or so about her hair, but they will now- I’ve lived through some things, horrible things, & I will gladly talk with any child about their problems & perhaps how to handle them! Nobody should ever suffer alone & nobody understands more then somebody who’s already been there! Jack Cameron let me know how I can help.
There are memorial sites at the school and on the 48th street overpass. I pray for her and her family. I’m not a perfect parent, so I feel for this father as well. No one wishes this for their child.
Jack I cannot say how much I appreciate you bringing this out. It needs to be heard. The school is doing everything in their best efforts with counselors,staff,parent volunteers and a Chaplin, I dropped my daughter off today and as she got out there was balloons, candles and messages written by her friends. This little girl was beautiful, smart,kind and a great student and it is a true shame this happened. I am not sure what will transpire, but I too was shocked as a parent and community member that this truth has not been spread or brought to light, we all live here these are all of our children to be concerned for and we all need to stay heavily involved, so that this public humiliation will stop. The kids plan on having a gathering I saw it on my daughters Facebook, I plan to go to show my support. There is a very high number of children suffering from what has happened to their peer and friend. I sat on Facebook reading for two to three hours and my heart is sincerely broken, as community members we all need to stay involved , god bless
i can honestly say that this is heartbreaking and unfortunately all to common. children are under too much pressure these days to be perfect and so on occasion act out but instead of throwing tantrums and being sent to their rooms they find more and more damaging ways . saying that this father obviously learnt the hard way how to punish his daughter he will live with this for the rest of his years. have we all not found when dealing with punishments we follow our own parents learned behaviour is so ingrained that often we dont realise how we ourselves our acting until it is too late i often find myself thinking how did i feel before i say or do anything concerning punishment. i am in no way condoning or making excuses for this man as i find it disgusting punishment is meant to be swift and then a disscussion into why and what should have happened so our children can learn not just feel bad x
It’s horrible that this poor girl was treated the way she was, and decided that there was no other recourse but to end her life. But let’s also not forget the person who could have easily lost her life as well when the girl fell on her car. The roof car was completely smashed in, and I know the girl who’s car it was, and she is a wife and mother of four beautiful children, who nearly had her life ended as well as her car was crushed while she was driving. This story has more than one victim, and hopefully light can be shed on this subject, so that we can stop things like this happening.
I know that young girls pain.My father shave my hair all off, in the 7th grade,1965. I so know the shame and humiliation she felt. This is abuse and needs to stop.
This reminded me of another video in which a guardian publically shaves the head of her 13 year old charge for smoking weed and getting left back. Just because we have the technology to publically shame children, doesn’t mean we should use it, it’s abusive and needs to stop.
I am so saddened to read about this young girl passing and what lead up to her attempted suicide. And I’m glad you wrote this article! I’ve seen other public shaming videos online that my adult kids come across and show me and I just can’t believe that we as parents have gotten to this point. Is this the only form of “discipline” that some feel works? Humiliate and embarrass your child and they’ll straighten up? My heart goes out to her family, especially her grandmother who’s car she got out of to jump. Oh the grief the must be dealing with, . . . Just breaks my heart
I see how many feel for the father as this is something he will live with for the rest of his life.
There is one comment in regards to worrying about punishing children when they do wrong! Look at the word used “Punishing” no child should be punished but disciplined! Putting it on social media that’s not discipline that’s social media Bullying!
What happen to grounding them? I know talking to them doesn’t always help but at least it doesn’t lead to suicide! We are suppose to be there for them, protect them not punish them and add on more of what they already are going through.
Let them learn from their mistakes I mean we we’re all young before!
I totally agree
The Crisis line of Pierce County is available 24 hours a day at 1-800-576-7764. Please share this number with adults and children as I have for the last year advertised and promoted the services that can come from making that one phone call. Catholic Community Services is the home to children crisis worker and services that help families, such as the one involved in this incident. I personally answer crisis calls Monday-Friday and it breaks my heart that we weren’t able to intervene and stabilize this situation.
Cal has it correct. Punishing hurts the parent/child connection and without a strong loving connection kids are more likely to commit suicide, become addicts, beat spouses, go to jail, on and on. It’s beyond doubt proven by studies, many that have only come out recently.
Don’t hit kids, don’t scream at or humiliate kids, and don’t be friends with anyone that does or anyone that defends such domestic violence. THEN we’ll have a chance at a peaceful and just world.
Peace begins at home.
Cal has it correct, and thank you so much for that work and info NaToyia!
Punishing hurts the parent/child connection and without a strong loving connection kids are more likely to commit suicide, become addicts, beat spouses, go to jail, on and on. It’s beyond doubt proven by studies, many that have only come out recently.
Don’t hit kids, don’t scream at or humiliate kids, and don’t be friends with anyone that does or anyone that defends such domestic violence. THEN we’ll have a chance at a peaceful and just world.
Peace begins at home.
and thank you so much for that work and info NaToyia!
There is flowers and ballons on the fence where this happened on 48 th st bridge
There is obviously MUCH more to this story. Something you casually glossed over. Why is a 12-13 year old getting “messed up” and why do you condone that? Not saying anything about that IS condoning it by the way. How many times has the father tried other things to keep her from doing this?? So he did this twice, but maybe he did other things dozens of times. Why is it that we have not one but at least two generations of kids and young adults that have complete disregard for authority.. Both parents and law enforcement?? Geez, yes this is tragic, but this goes WAAAYYY deeper than a public shaming…
Yes it did did happen. in Tacoma washington
Have not read all of these comments, but I wanted to say I first heard about parents using social media to publicly shame their children in a former student’s blog. She is a very thoughtful, insightful mother of three, and was writing about why it is so very wrong. She pointed out that home should be a sanctuary, a safe place to come to, and that children need to know that although there are rules to be followed and consequences for disobeying, that they will be disciplined with love and cherished in their home. She said it better than I can, but the idea that parents would publicly shame their child horrified me then and this case reinforces that horror.
Found this. Clearly she was depressed based on her own statement from 2014. Very sad:( Rest in Peace beautiful girl.
This truly brakes my heart into pieces I have 10 year old daughter and the things that they go through we have no idea but we think that we know everything cause we are parents we have been through the same stuff and that’s not always the case as we see I know that I will go to my children and tell them how much i love them and that there will be times that you will make a mistake and that’s ok we will get through it and things can always get better and im going to kiss my baby’s and tell them that I love them with all of my heart ❤ and that I could never ever be ashamed of them no matter what they do or what ever may happen may god bless this family at this hard time and may this beautiful little girl be in the loving arms of god and that me and my kids will be praying for this little girl and her family
I have been reading through all these comments about what people think they know about this little girl and her family,know one can ever know everything about some one and their family life it is very sad that she felt she had no other choice then to take her own life, parents now adays are limited on how they can discipline their kids, not only do we have to worry that if we spank or make our child stand in a corner were abusing them taking things away and teaching them there are consequences to their action are considered abuse, he was trying to teach his daughter there are consequences to her actions by posting inappropriate pics drinking and smoking weed, everyone is demonizing this father for the way he decided to discipline his daughter im sure we have all said stupid things to are kids from time to time and i know from experience that kids can be ruthless at times when they dont get what they want, so i think we should all stop demonizing this father for his actions because he is now living with the consequences of his choices
Lisa P. since when is taking things from your children considered child abuse. Sometimes for not keeping his grades up I’ve had to take my son’s IPOD. Wow didn’t know that was abuse.
I think this is a good reminder that if our kids are doing things like drinking or drugs we need to get to the root of the problem, it could be their way of crying for help and punishing them to this extent is obviously not the answer. I feel very sad for her father because I’m sure he had no clue his choice of punishment would turn out this way and he will now have to live with that guilt forever. My thoughts and prayers are with her family and friends, I saw the memorial on the overpass Saturday evening but had no idea what it was for until reading this article.
This is very real I know somebody who knows the family its exactly the way this story says it is.
Her name was Isabel she was called izzy for short. My son Xavier Joslyn went to school with her elementary and middle school. The young lady went to Giadrone middle school in Tacoma. My son learned about her death today at school ! It is all over the school she has passed away and a lots of the children are not taking it well our condolences go out to her family all besides the father ! I don’t understand how a father could do something of this nature to make that poor girl and her life. We should all ask the father now if it was worth it just like he asked her ! You don’t have to post the last part just the condolences !
Thank you for your time !
Giau drone students and staff have walked to the bridge after school ♡♡♡♡Rest easy beautiful child♡♡
How are we blaming the suicide on the shaming alone. Do we know what the parent was talking about being “messed up”. Is it possible the teen already suffered from depression and was doing drugs?
Suicide is never the result of one incident alone. There’s more to the story than just the public shaming.
Out of respect to the young girl, her WHOLE story needs to be told.
It doesn’t matter what she did wrong, no parent should ever shame their child through social media for the whole world to see.I feel for the father and what he maybe feeling as I will believe that he had no clue his child will take her life! I have lost someone close to me almost a year ago who had taken his life, not from Bullying but from the same feeling that this child might have felt when she was shamed by someone who is suppose to be there for her through the good and the bad! The person who is suppose to hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright! Yet, she received the opposite! Maybe she was strong enough to handle others but to try and take in the hurt that was placed upon her from her father! That is something that is unforgivable and hard to live with especially knowing there is no one else out there for her that can comfort her and keep her safe! Which is why we need people out there to come together for the sake of other children who are going through what this little girl went through! We need to stand up for these children be their voices and the voices for this little girl who are no longer with us!
Email me at email@example.com
This saddens me. The dad should be ashamed and I hope he gets the treatment that is so very much needed. A young girl lost her life because he felt like he needed to jump on the shaming band wagon. I’m sorry cutting a young girls hair off and destroying her clothes is beyond anything I could ever think to do as a mature acceptable shaming episode for a child. Shame on him! I wag my finger at the mother too for allowing this to happen to her baby. As a mother myself it is my job to protect my child to the best of my ability and as a mother she should of told her husband or baby daddy that his punishment was cruel and unjust. And then to ask for peace and quiet during these horrific times is the last thing you deserve. Now it is only fair for you to be publicly shamed for your horrific parenting techniques so maybe the next parent that wants to jump on the shaming band wagon will think twice about the severity of their shaming. I too was a victim and thankfully then social media did not exist! The memorial over the 48th St bridge has her name splashed all over it the poor poor girl! None of my sorrow goes out to the family just the girl. (I hope I am wrong about the mom and that her and the dad are no longer together he sounds like a piece of work)
It is always sad when any HUMAN life is lost regardless of how it happens. With that said, I have two questions for the writer; 1) does “messed up” refer to her getting caught being under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs? 2) Would you have supported the father if he took a belt to her bottom instead of cutting the hair? Stop advocating for ending corporal punishment and these types of tragedies will end!
No, I would not approve if he had taken a belt to her bottom – it’s just as likely to lead to feelings of shame and worthlessness. I don’t know for sure if the term “messed up” used in the video is referring to alcohol and drugs, but that’s what I assumed it meant as well. And regardless of what she did, punishment and shaming doesn’t help. Her father took his fear and shame over her behavior, and tried to fix it by instilling more fear and shame in her, and now he has to live with this tragedy for the rest of his life. The only thing that can help a child overcome a fear-based behavior is a stronger connection and limits from a parent they understand to love them unconditionally.
Shaming and punishment of any kind just makes kids more susceptible to turn to other ways to deal with their anger and pain, like drugs or alcohol or promiscuity, or if the pain is bad enough to bear, suicide.
Please, I am humbling myself here and begging you Jack Daniel, if you have a child, take a moment and consider the other ways available that aren’t rooted in shame and pain. These websites have amazing free resources for parents with proven ways to handle discipline issues in ways that result in amazing, responsible, emotionally healthy adults:
Here’s some scientific evidence that harsh physical punishment (a belt is considered “harsh”) increases the odds of drug addiction.
My condolences to the family in the midst of this tragedy. Can only hope this opens a dialogue in many many homes. I totally disagree with dad – cutting a girl’s hair like that – only if it is tangled in gum/super glue. It is an attack on their ‘person’. And my heart breaks for him. He needs to get some help asap before he follows his daughter’s steps. (If he still believes his punishment fit her crime one can only hope he has no other children. If not, well, doubt anyone could cope.
When is the funeral does anyone know. I would like to take my daughter she its having a hard time with this.
I’ve been reading these comments and I am so very disheartened to read the comments from people who think that cutting a child’s hair, destroying their property, etc is somehow acceptable in any circumstance. They’re trying to come up with a way to excuse this father’s, and by extension their own, behavior. Discipline is supposed to teach a child, not humiliate and anger them. Destroying what is meaningful to them is cruel, petty and childish. The only reason to do that is to make them feel small and powerless, and that is the wrong way to parent. It is entirely possible to establish and enforce boundaries without punishments that tell our children we don’t think they deserve the same human respect as the average stranger.
Could not agree more, V. Thank you for posting that.
I was there on I-5. It was horrific. It is so easy for people to comment or give their thoughts and commentary online from miles away. It is another when you see it in real life. I have been bothered by this since Friday.
I’m so very sorry for this family and all of you who knew and cared about this young girl. I’m posting a link to information about coping with suicide loss The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Washington State Chapter has support and information available .
Oh no I felt so sad for this young girl. I thought bullying by peer groups was bad enough but to read that the father did this to his little girl was very upsetting. Hopefully this family will get thru their devastating loss and get the help and support they need. As a mum who lost a daughter to suicide I do know what they will be feeling. God bless them all.
Thanks for sharing despite your own loss. This story must be very upsetting for you to hear. Bless you!
My children go to school with this young girl’s siblings… (her cousin is in my daughters class) the worst part is watching how many children and adults are affected by this horrible tragedy. Her family will have to live with the sadness and void of her life being gone far too soon. The worst part is how many people watch the videos and cheer on the parents who public shame (I have been guilty of watching these) and no realize how far the helplessness the child is feeling continues when the camera and comments stop. I will forever change my thoughts about how public shaming is wrong on so many levels. If I would not do this to my own children, my entertainment should no come from watching other parents do it either. My heart goes out to her siblings that are being affected by all of this.
Thank you for brining attention to this important issue of suicide. However, I think this article misses a great opportunity to educate. It is a common misconception that suicide is the result of a single traumatic event, like losing a job or ending a relationship – or even the public shaming incident that you mention in this story. But suicide is the result of many complex factors, and 90 percent of the time, it is the result of undiagnosed or untreated mental illness. This tragic loss shows us just how much we need to change the way we talk about suicide, so that those who are vulnerable may be encouraged to seek help and families, like this one, may be able to recognize warning signs before it is too late. For the author, I encourage you to learn more about reporting on suicide so that it meets best practice guidelines based on decades of research regarding safe reporting on this issue: https://www.afsp.org/news-events/for-the-media/reporting-on-suicide
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
I don’t think the author needs to do more research as any article, blog or post is voiced by opinion of another! This post is focusing on the little girl who took her life due to Bullying. Providing a phone number is not enough as many of those in the other end of the phone is either trained to handle the situation with no personal connection. I am sure we all know that there are many factors but in this story it is about a 12 year old girl who took her own life due to Bullying with remorse to the father who had no idea that his daughter will succumb to committing suicide after posting a shame video like many other parents have done and continue to do! Maybe this tragic lost will open everyone’s eyes mostly to parents who have resulted to posting a shame video of their child being punished for their wrong doing! No parent is perfect and neither are our children!
Jack, you’re doing just fine here. You don’t need main stream media guidelines on responsible ways to report. To hell with that crap, doesn’t seem like you’re trying to sell commercials for investors here.
Public/Internet shaming of children is cruel. It pits the young victim against entire world. This kind of psychological warfare can rob anyone of all mental health. While discipline is quite necessary in this crowded world, exploiting children is not an acceptable method of achieving it.
I was there at the bridge just moments after, I can’t unsee any of it. I miss someone I’ve never even met.
PRAYING, FOR IZZY SOUL AND HER PARENTS.
I am deeply sorry to hear of this young girl’s shaming and subsequent death. I feel for the family.
I hope that other people are detered from shaming, especially of the young and the vulnerable.
I happen be a friend of the father whom I’ve known for many years. They good people and you all should leave your negative comments to yourselves. Everyone has an opinion about something they no details about. This is a tragic moment for that family so have some respect. God bless Izzy and all of her loved ones.
Will, have you watched the video her Dad posted on YouTube of Izzy after he chopped off her beautiful hair? Have you seen the pics Izzy posted to her Instagram acct after the haircut? Oh, I’m sure her acct has been deleted by her parents but her friends saved the pics. Have you gone to memorial site to speak to her friends to find out that she was crying all day at school on Friday? Maybe you, Will, are the one that needs to get the details.
Izzy commented on a video on 8/13/2014
—I feel hated most of the time im in school i feel looked down on and i get judged alot…. But what keeps me going is people like kian who have gone through the same thing as me… In a school with so many people its weird to say “i feel alone” but the truth is that you really do feel alone. So thanks for everything kian….
I just weep for these kids that don’t know what to do . I think Izzy was just at the end of her rope . She was depressed being bullied trying to fit in and doing what she thought her parents wanted her to do to be successful in school moving towards a good future . Plus she was at a very tender age emotionally and psychologically. It’s a huge developmental time in an adolescents life. Being called to the office and asked to resign from something important was that last straw . She was thinking ” OMG what now what else can happen ” it was too much for her to handle . How else would she be punished ? May god hold her tight and bless her family .
Anyone got any pics ftom the bridge memorial?
My family said the drove by today and there was a ton of stuff on there.
Someone will try and have it moved because they are trying to hush this up.
Don’t let her voice die with her.
When people drive under that bridge, you want them to ask and google to find out what happened on thr 48th street overpass on I-5 in Tacoma and find this article which tells the only story that has been allowed out there.
If you know Izzy, call King 5 and speak be ause Izzy can’t.
I feel for the family but something positive must come from her death (besides a rapidly growing gofundme account).
The family don’t want to talk except to ask for money. They want the video down now but when did they speak up when it was posted by her Dad? Who checked on her at school.
Hypocritical in their mourning.
Something good needs to come of this this needs to be stopped our youth is our future if we don’t do something now to help them and prevent this from happening again what else will happen we need to do something now this needs to be public this needs to be spread we need to get a group going we need to start supporting these kids.
Myself and another parent are forming a group and welcoming anyone to join us on putting a stop to Bullying! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I have taken pictures today but not many when I went out to speak with King 5 in regards to how Any form of bullying needs to stop! I am a parent who’s child was a victim of bullying until I removed my child for school for a school year! You can email me at email@example.com as I am forming a group with other parents to stand against Bullying!
I believe parents & police convinced the kids to move the memorial to Giaudrone Middle school on Alaska. Alot of her friends have saved the video. Also, there are pics Izzy posted to her Instagram acct that her friends have saved also. The parents can keep trying to cover it up, but the pics & video are out there.
I believe for safety reasons parents & police convinced the kids to move the memorial to Giaudrone Middle school on Alaska. Alot of her friends have saved the video. Also, there are pics Izzy posted to her Instagram acct that her friends have saved also. The parents can keep trying to cover it up, but the pics & video are out there.
This is heart breaking for me to hear and read about. These children have so much going against them that simply did not existe when I was growing up. I am in my 50’s and all my children are grown. We have to show love by being loving, teach compassion by being compssionate, chairity starts at home and than spreads abroad. Those of us who are parents know how frustrating that job, one of the most important jobs you will every have, can be, but remember this when they are young they get on your nerves, when they grow up they are on your heart and their childhood does not last that long be kind to your children God gave them to you as a gift, make their childhood beautiful because we live in a ugly world and must prepare them for it. My prayers are for the family, suicide is a permenate solution to a temporary problem God bless and keep them in his perfect will
To all on this blog I’ve known her since she was a baby her father is a good man and a friend. I grew up with her moms side of the family. The whole thing is unfortunate a child lost her life it’s just plain sad r.i.p kid
Honestly, the fact that it is a little girl that this happened to, it really should not matter if u urself have found anything about it or not. It is extremely effed up that it happened. An really, y not show the slightest bit of respect an sadness for this lil girls family and just let her know, rest in paradise little angel and know that ur life meant very much to the people that matter to u. My girls r this age and honestly, I can not imagine the pain and horror. And to have dumb asses that do not know me or them doubt something like this, it would just rub salt into the already gaping wound.
Rest In Paradise Baby Girl…
I am so torn on this. I watched a video yesterday of a woman who shaved her son’s head while he was obviously high and while I’m not a huge fan of public shaming…I get it. I understand why a patent would feel the need to do that when nothing else seems to work. With this poor girl I’m guessing this parent had no idea what was going on with his daughter. One event of public shaming is not a cause for suicide and I wonder how many signs that patent is now looking back on wondering how they could have missed that. Being a parent is hard and so often when kids are being difficult you feel like your hands are tied behind your back and you have no idea how your best laid plans will work out. My thoughts and prayers go out to this family.
Who are you to judge that one event of public shaming isn’t enough to commit suicide? It wasn’t just the shaming. Her dad took her clothes & destroyed them. He also took away her guitar. With the cutting of the hair he not only took her hair but what was left of her spirit.
My daughter goes to this school and is and will be forever changed by this tragedy. My heart is breaking for this beautiful girl who is no longer with us,
No words can explain the heartbreak of this entire community.
I am extremely angry with the school as well as the father.
If what is being said is true the school had a obligation to treat a crisis situation and failed to do so.
Which brings me to a serious matter I discussed with the principal a month ago which has never been addressed.
I am outraged and hope and pray that this school gets addressed and gets to the bottom of why our children are not being put first.
Prayers to the family’s and friends of an amazing person who lost her life.
Sickened to read this. I come from a family where suicide is rampant. I feel so much for the family right now. They will likely forever be destroyed because of this. Pray for them.
Reblogged this on The Mind of Ana and commented:
Deepest condolence to the young girl. I really think that not all adult have ability to parent their children.
In today’s connected world of social media, and the problem’s that manifest themselves from gaining acceptance and the peer pressure that go along with it, what was expected to be gained from making the video and placing it in the public domain?
No matter what the reason for cutting this young woman’s hair, the filming it an putting it out for anyone to view is inexcusable, and I would consider it a form of bullying.
As a parent, (and I am), I believe being at your wit’s end is a requirement for the job, so no excuse there.
It’s a hard job to do, but so is growing up in today’s world.
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